it was great to see my boys! they are doing fantastic and have golden brown tans that make me envious. they miss me that is obvious but they are having a great summer with dad and their friends.
looking forward to getting them home soon.
Love you guys!
Sunday, August 14
Wednesday, August 10
ideals
i am going to see my boys this weekend. the ex is going camping with his gf so i will be able to spend some time with them just the 3 of us. after my inital shock of being invited up for the weekend only to find out it was not to be a weekend spent with all of us together, i am looking forward to the time with my boys.
it is a weird situation for everyone involved i think. the kids don't know where our new love interests fit in and for the ex and i im not sure either of us knows how to manage what was left of the 16 year relationship, the new love interests are trying to make thier place and all in all its just weird.
my first reaction when i found out they were going camping was anger that i was being used as a sitter for them to get away. the second was anger that i wasn't asked if i would mind staying in his house while he went off for the weekend. the third was the realization that i basically did the same thing to him when he came to my place in june when my bf was diagnosed with leukemia. the ex watched the boys at my place while i spent as much time as i could afford to at the hospital.
i walked away from my marraige not the other way around. i wanted out. i wanted space and freedom that i couldn't seem to attain within the walls of my marraige. maybe its because i married so young or maybe it was him or me or or or. it could have been a lot of things but the fact is i wasn't happy.
what i miss isn't the man its the ideal of what should have been and somehow never was.
i still long for those ideals even now 16 years later. i believe that they are rooted in a relationship built on trust and open communication. i know first hand that those things are earned not given and that length of time with one person means nothing if those two things are absent.
i have a wonderful relationship now with a fabulous guy and i am very very happy with him. i recently made some major changes to my life so that we can be together more often as the relationship was online and long distance. we are moving forward with a positive attitude that this new relationship will be able to provide us, given time, all the things we were both missing in our previous relationships.
i truly hope that my ex finds the same things in his relationship and he just might while he is off enjoying a camping weekend with his new lady, while the boys and i spend a much needed mom and sons weekend together.
it is a weird situation for everyone involved i think. the kids don't know where our new love interests fit in and for the ex and i im not sure either of us knows how to manage what was left of the 16 year relationship, the new love interests are trying to make thier place and all in all its just weird.
my first reaction when i found out they were going camping was anger that i was being used as a sitter for them to get away. the second was anger that i wasn't asked if i would mind staying in his house while he went off for the weekend. the third was the realization that i basically did the same thing to him when he came to my place in june when my bf was diagnosed with leukemia. the ex watched the boys at my place while i spent as much time as i could afford to at the hospital.
i walked away from my marraige not the other way around. i wanted out. i wanted space and freedom that i couldn't seem to attain within the walls of my marraige. maybe its because i married so young or maybe it was him or me or or or. it could have been a lot of things but the fact is i wasn't happy.
what i miss isn't the man its the ideal of what should have been and somehow never was.
i still long for those ideals even now 16 years later. i believe that they are rooted in a relationship built on trust and open communication. i know first hand that those things are earned not given and that length of time with one person means nothing if those two things are absent.
i have a wonderful relationship now with a fabulous guy and i am very very happy with him. i recently made some major changes to my life so that we can be together more often as the relationship was online and long distance. we are moving forward with a positive attitude that this new relationship will be able to provide us, given time, all the things we were both missing in our previous relationships.
i truly hope that my ex finds the same things in his relationship and he just might while he is off enjoying a camping weekend with his new lady, while the boys and i spend a much needed mom and sons weekend together.
Monday, August 8
139 days till xmas
i actually saw a commercial for christmas seals on saturday. there is something very wrong with this.
very very wrong
very very wrong
Thursday, August 4
i need a nap
it is funny everytime i sit down to type one of these blogs i get tired. i suppose it is because i usually use a deep thought process to recall the memories i type or it could just be that i am dog tired by the time i have enough time in a day to blog. today though my excuse is im blogging so i will fall asleep. i have been packing and cleaning since sunday morning and im finally just getting too tired to continue. i am almost done and will not have any guilt if i decide today is a good day to nap. couple hours rest then i can load up the van so i am ready to go in the morning.
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